Holy cupcakes!

Today M made the most beautiful cupcakes I've ever seen.  Of corse i couldn't eat them because they were full of gluten and lactose, but it was worth it just to admire these lemon chocolate cupcakes with respective white and dark chocolate frosting^^

Also, having long hair is fun.

Love,
Mango Kitty

Taco Pie

Things suck right now. Still falling, still having panic attacks, still unable to find a balance in my stress level, still cant sleep.  "stay posotive and decide not to fall." Just pisses me off every time i hear it. It's not like I decided to start falling again, if I could turn it off wouldnt I have done it permanently???  Unfortunitly no one has a.better answer than that for me.   Fucking hell...

Good news is that I'm making Taco Pizza tonight.

Love,
Mango Kitty

FAIL

  Apparently mind over matter is hippie bullshit that doesn't actually work. 

I've started falling again...

I cannot even beguine to describe how disappointed, angry, and frighted I am by this coming back.  I thought I had moved on from it.  I thought I had concurred it and would never have to deal with it again.  Apparently I was wrong.

The staff thinks it's because I've been doing too much, not getting enough sleep, and feeling the nicotine withdrawal.  They think if I take it easy it won't continue.  They keep telling me to continue to use my "I am strong and I CAN WALK" mantra, and to think positive...............................Right now that feels impossible

Why can't I just be healthy?

Love,
Mango Kitty

Do Not Quit

I was going to write a long depressing rant involving the difficulties of life, mental health, addiction, and those who claim to know how to solve it.  Instead, I'll write a poem that I keep in my "Good Book".  No one can say I'm not trying.

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile but have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but DO NOT QUIT

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of clouds of doubt
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest it
It's when things go wrong that YOU MUST NOT QUIT"
                                                              -unknown

There's my positivity for today,
Love,
Mango Kitty

Awesome in a Tube

Aparently Swedish people love americans so much they make a sauce out of them... Who knew?

Also, I spent two hours doing my Nails last night.  Kept me awake at least! (yes those are tiny stones indevidualy glued on to my nails in a spiral)

Love,
Mango Kitty

American Dressing

Need I say more?

why do I knit?

Ever knit for 5 hours and then realize two rows from the end that you read the entire pattern wrong and it's too late to fix it?  Yeah...  Sometimes I wonder why I knit at all... FRUSTRATION!!!!  GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Fishnet bandage helmat of doom

I'm so sick of all this crap attatched to my head.  It does not make Miss Mango happy.  The EEG will be done at 13.00, then I'll get the wires off my brain and head back to the group home, where i will take a very long shower to wash out all the glue from my hair, and open my presants to myself. 

Please please please let the EEG show nothing unusual!

Love,
Mango Kitty

EEG

Soon I'm on my way to get a 24hour EEG. Scary stuff.  Not because it will hurt, because I know it wont, but because it means I'll be in a new.hospital alone for two days.  And those.of you who know me know.that I do NOT like new places and I do NOT like being alone.  But I've come up with a brilliant way to keep positive, in the form of presents to myself! They're all wrapped and ready to go. What could they be???

Love,
Mango Kitty

Mothers Day

To all you mothers I hold dear to my heart, my hat's off to you on this day.  Your job is impossibly difficult, and yet you succeed with flying colors bringing joy beyond measure into the world.  You are all Wonder Woman, Super Woman, and Cheetara wrapped into a wonderful loving and ever patient package.  I have so much respect for all that you do, and the world is a better place because YOU are in it.

Love,
Mango Kitty

Home Home!

Took the buss home yesterday afternoon and arrived at the apartment to be greeted by two excited (although a little chunky... I think my Viking's been splurging on the treats in my absence :P) Cats.  Oh it's SO GOOD to see them, Ive missed them so freaking much these last two weeks.  And that they both came right up to me for some pet'ns made me a very happy cat mom.  The apartment looks great, even though my Viking said he hardly cleaned before I came home.  Turns out I'M the messy one... who knew?  The new stronger sleeping pills still don't work, I got up around 03.30 this morning, they're going to increase the dose again when I get back to the home next week.  It's a hard problem to medicate because I can lay down and go to sleep quickly, it's just that I wake up at ungodly hours and it's really. REALLY. annoying.   Such is life...

On a happier note, today is my 8th day without  a fall!  Mind over matter folks, mind over matter.

Love,
Mango kitty

Kitty withdrawel

We spent last weekend at Ammi's so i didn't have to deal with stairs. However it ment that i didn't get to see my monsters at all and I'm missing them like crazy. I wish i could have them here with me...

Happy anniversary

Today on the 5th day of the 5th month is my Vikings and mine 5th anniversary.  Can you believe it?  I'm so lucky to have him in my life, he's the man of my dreams and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him.  Because he kicks ass, and because he makes a DAMN good pancake :)

I love you baby,

Mango Kitty

Wheel chair of stupid

So the falling has increased to the point of me falling 10 times on Monday resulting in a pair of broken glasses and my ass in a wheel chair. However yesterday i got to thinking... You see people on tv "thinking" themselves healthy, and sense my dr. Does not belive there is any illness causing my falling I have decided to conduct a "mind over matter" experament. I say to myself over and over again that i am STRONG and that i CAN walk. I havent used the wheelchair sense yesterday afternoon! The staff is super proud of me and wants me to keep up my experament over the weekend, and to be honest, I'm super proud of  myself too. I think i just might be able to pull this off.

Let there be cows!!!

Yesterday we went to see the cows be released.from their winter enclosure. They could'nt have picked a better day for it.  Horray for happy cows!

P.S. I now fall so often that they've put me in a wheelchair :/