carrots

Towards the beginning of my mental health journey here in Sweden, I had a psychiatric Doctor that wanted to put me on a new medication, with the side effect of weight gain. I had finely gotten to a healthy weight after years of battling the eating disorder of Obesity. I told her I didn't want to go up in weight again. She told me
"If you only eat carrots, you won't go up in weight"
"It's not the medication that makes you fat, it's what you put in your mouth that makes you fat."
These words haunt me to this day.
I went up 35kilograms in a year because of this Doctors medication and the numbers continue to rise. I'll never forgive her for putting me on this cycle of self hatred dieting. two steps towards being healthy followed by three steps back to Obesity.

Yes, Obesity is an eating disorder, yet for some reason it's an acceptable eating disorder. How can killing yourself with food be acceptable??? No, you're not holding a knife to your throat every time you dip into the candy bag, but the end result is the same. Tears in your loved ones eyes and you (me) in a body bag.

Somehow, the cycle needs to be broken and a balance needs to be found between the side effects of psychiatric medication and weight. I haven't found it yet, but I will.

I promise you I will.

Love,
Mango Kitty